Friends With Benefits? Study Finds Sex and Friendship Don’t Mix

A recent study about young adults and their “friends with benefits” (FWB) relationships reported men were more likely than women to have had such a relationship in the past year. Not surprisingly, only a small handful of these situations turn into lasting relationships. Only 24.8 percent of men hoped that their relationship would progress into a committed one, whereas 39.5 percent of women hoped for progression to a committed relationship. But that’s the whole point, right? Three observations were made: the negative reactions created psychological distress as the positive reactions didn’t really have any effect at all. Few, if any of these relationships result in committed relationships, similarly most don’t expect them too, yet they feel “stuck” in the situation. Finally, more often than not, the women expected the relationship to move in a more committed direction, while the men did not.

Most of the time when young adults engage in these sorts of relationship, alcohol was involved. What’s easier than texting your friend at 3 a.m. after a night out and asking plainly “Want to come over”?  It’s convenient and kind of fun — and sure there are some upsides for young adults in these situations. There’s an opportunity for unbiased sexual exploration without the fear of being judged; the point is simply mutual satisfaction. There are also some drawbacks. An article published last year by points out that you are less likely to be vigilant about wearing a condom with a friend or asking if a friend has been tested, leading to the potential spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

It’s all about expectations and honesty from the get-go in any FWB relationship.  If you think you can handle being in a situation where neither party has any desire to take things to the next (read: committed) level and be happy with just sex, that’s awesome. Enjoy it.

On the other hand if you’re anything like a lot of us, sexual intimacy alters your perspective of your sex partner.  If you’ve known a person for years and consider them one of your best friends, be wary of taking it to a sexual level. You probably won’t have that friend when it’s all over.  Someone is bound to develop feelings and someone will get hurt. The stakes are super high when you embark on sexual exploits with your friends.

As this study pointed out, women more than men expect the relationship to go somewhere else, this doesn’t mean men can’t also get hurt. In fact, many men take the “friend” route in hopes to one day date their friend. Sadly, the study didn’t explore these emotional responses…and maybe they are just that “emotional responses” but that doesn’t make them invalid feelings.

At the end of it all, is it really worth possibly throwing away an amazing friendship just to have convenient sex?  Let’s not kid ourselves, sex is great and fun and good for you, but if you are going to embark on a FWB journey, try to do it without alcohol. And be really honest with yourself and your fellow FWBer — it’s just about the sex and if emotions suddenly get involved, something has got to give.

If you’ve secretly been pining after your best from for years, then the best advice is probably not to sleep with them. Instead, try communicating with them about your feelings. After all, that’s what friends are for, right?.


  • And if you get anything that you shouldn’t have gotten from you partner, there’s always to fix it in private and with less cost.

  • are men really more likely to have had them or more likely to SAY they have had them? No matter how much some want to pretend that it is not so, men and women are different, to include differences in bragging about casual sex. Women are less likely to do that and for good reason; right or wrong, society looks at tailhounds as guys being guys but at girls who are active in less flattering terms.

  • this is an interesting topic. I had sex with a very good friend not to long ago, and it basically ruined everything. She went back to the country she was from, and things just started to stagnate. I can’t imagine a situation where having sex with one of your good friend is a good idea. I think it’s a matter of using your head located in your cranium, versus using the head located on your penis. Basically, don’t let your sex drive get the best of you. I’m all for following instinct, and listening to your gut, but that only takes you so far before logical analysis needs to take the stage. Think before you act, that’s all I’m saying. If you have a really good female friend, then think long and hard (no pun intended) about the repercussions of the act you are considering. It’s serious shit, and if you care about the girl, spare her the misery, please. Thanks, peace n’ chicken grease.

  • “It’s serious shit, and if you care about the girl, spare her the misery, please.” Well, aren’t you the nice guy. What about the boy’s feelings in all of this?

  • hey anti-sex for friend “”professionals”” l~.=.~l
    the basis of your knowledge collected here is more so based upon supporting oppressive society with vast control and faulty burden on the subject of sex, I am here to say that I have had multiple lasting sexual friendships that turn out much better than the non-sexual ones not to mention most all my standing friendships are sexual (and I have had a pretty even number of both). The key to the “friends with benefits” is exactly that the preference of monogamy is exactly just as (a preference) other than the stipulations and limitless burdens wrongly associated as “sex” the integration of sex in a friendship is actually healthy especially when done in a safe way which is as easy as wearing a durable rubber glove l^.=.^l, plus your resource here is lacking detail in their statistics enough to denounce their validity besides the fact that their vision of sexual friendships is tied with a large selection of these burdens on sex (alcohol and sex shouldn’t even be in the same category as simply put as your not born with a bottle in your hand) it is also denouncing the idea of other preferences than monogamy which other than being offensive is a very deceiving and subliminal form of discrimination supporting the idea of oppression as well as demolishing from progressive education in our society on sexuality that SHOULD BE advancing, there are many individuals like myself who don’t prefer monogamy and have the willpower to avoid such oppression by removing the negative labels on the subject of sexuality with the usage of the word and action of sex because there are plenty of words we already have to define the negative and/or aggressive uses for our genitals (FYI you can use any part of your body as a weapon including your eyes. example: glaring compared to gazing) and yes I do realize that the definition of sex may not fit the description of pure consensual innocent pleasure and/or love in the English Encarta dictionary but hell if we will let that stop us from being creators and revolutionists with a better concept of living with love and sex being with each other, If you are making love or enjoy having consensual sex and can appreciate beauty, love/pleasure and innocence with your lover than help me spread this message enough is enough with sexual oppression in our country besides if you let a book define you than you are nothing left but words and twists in society, be an individual for a dream for the better and stop sites like this giving a vague and negative idea on sexuality with negative and positive aspects being thinner than the edge of the blade. Sex is a beautiful way to connect with others you care for as well as a bonding experience in a monogamous relationship or not, we demand respect, we demand our love back. help me get it back for all of us with desire to progress in social interaction as well as physical interaction with the loving like minded individuals we connect with.

  • you should start out in a relationship as friends anyways or get hurt, and sex is an excellent way of getting to know someone, why would you get with someone without knowing their body first anyways?? that’s really dumb X D and you could be in a tiff with a load of problems including UN-desired abstinence as well as if the person has a visible std you could have prepared for if you viewed their body first, that’s kinda like buying a car without knowing anything about it…Show me the carfax! well…Show me the Lovefax!! Lol silly studies and oppressive thinking patterns of a stale development of societies social progress to say the least.

  • Lol not to mention you get the statistics from the masses who by the way are trying to progress in the matter of sexuality, the point of this study was doomed for a negative outcome from the second it started which just proves that the individuals as a part of this study were just arrogant on the subject as the resource it came from, any diversified intelligent and love resourced individual with a desire to progress sexuality against oppression on which all studies like this base themselves would tell you “your an idiot” along with all the silly organizations doing studies on emotional/ physical love connections that vary on a personal level or at least need to be; a chocolate study is completely different not to mention near as resentful or judging on a populous study on something as already is clearly misunderstood as sex. you clarified a subject that is already visible to anyone with hormonal development in a nation that is behind on the matter and TRYING to progress sex as love and gaining the understanding to tell the difference and realize it is all part of our body this is less of a study to me and more of a personal issue of the people involved within it’s basis. 

  • it was so burdened it the study might as well have not been about sex at all but users, i have had more than eight sexual friend for over five years. put that in your obscured vision please and give it more than a number, give it some human heart.

  • Do a study like this with gay people and you’ll find a conclusion of “homosexuality is not a good lifestyle” which is completely false being a homosexual who doesn’t prefer monogamy and on top of that has had over eight sexual friends that are dear as life to me that i have held and been loving for over five years straight, as well as maintaining gaps of monogamous relationships which i found through experience are not my cup of tea because the open ones work better and make me happier, i hope the people in this study take that into consideration, not everyone is as stuck up about sex as this ridiculous study with radical statistics.

  •  @dylangrieve It’s not about brains it’s about education and your idea on sex, like i said I have eight close friends who I have been sexual with for over five years and are closer to them than ANY of my lunar relationships and we love and care for one another dearly, and four of them I talk to daily just because the other three are long distance and i still call them every other week. I’m sorry so many blame sex for their problems for the individual but especially the beautiful misunderstood strong love called sex that actually can improve a friendship if you let it and let go of bad labels on the subject. l^.=.^l

  •  @earlearhart I’m sorry you have been labeled like that hun, either from others or yourself for that matter, I am not saying you should give it to anyone but don’t give up on it either, these studies can really mess people up and give a load of unnecessary life stress. sex is not the enemy, it’s people. I’m glad you feel stronger though, sexual friendships aren’t for everyone but that doesn’t mean you have to follow these people in their persecution of individuals like me and my friends who it does work for and love it on both shared ends. Me and my friends have something beautiful and it is love and it is innocent otherwise we wouldn’t still care about one another as much as we have been for years and still do. I hope you understand l^.=.^l

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