Dating: Women Love Mystery Men

He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not. The sacrificial flower is plucked bald and flower petals are strewn about the floor; it’s a familiar feeling for most people — wanting. A recent study of female Facebook users found women enjoyed the uncertainty. Yes, ladies, we relish the tease.

When it comes to matters of the heart apparently our hearts defy our unwritten social contracts. Typically, if you like me, I’ll probably like you back. If you are mean to me, I’ll probably be mean to you. Sociologists call this the reciprocity principal, which essentially means humans respond in kind. However, women in the study were doubly attracted to men when they were uncertain whether or not the man had a crush on them. Furthermore, the women were not just attracted to these men, but the women also reported being in a happier mood.

Now some parts of the reciprocity study still held true. When women were clearly liked by a guy, they liked the guy back. Additionally, when men showed average interest, the women too returned that average interest.

Bear in mind, this study was small and there was no offline interaction between the men and the women in the study. Plus, the study did not analyze the reverse scenario, namely are men equally intrigued by a woman whose affections are uncertain.

Why uncertainty drives women wild is unclear. Certainly, from a reproductive standpoint it does not make a lot of sense. A man that plays mind games is not going to make a great father for our offspring.  Perhaps, though, there is something that happens on a chemical level, which drives us towards these mystery men. In recent years, anthropologist Helen Fisher has studied our brains on love. Her findings indicate according to brain scans, love areas in our brains are associated with addiction.  Perhaps during the lust phase our brains get the obsessive-compulsive, addictive-like high from the fantasy of Prince Charming.

Ultimately, genetically speaking, what may get men in the “relationship door” is not going to keep them there. In fact, other research suggests women do think nice guys are sexier.

The price of pining? Many bald flowers and 20 bucks to purchase “He’s Just Not that Into You.”

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  • If you’re looking for a relationship therapist in New York (either for yourself, or couples treatment), please email me at (I also treat other issues such as stress, anxiety, social anxiety, and depression).

  • If my example is indicative of the heterosexual male gender as a whole, then yes, men are also more attracted to women to whom we are uncertain of whether they are reciprocally attracted. I don’t know why this is, as it seems almost masochistic.

  • It’s not that woe-men LOVE the tease… woe-men are trained from infancy to “not know,” so women play the coy games that were passed down through acculturation and “civilization,” i.e. civil-lies-aye-shun. See for more information: article about “his-story v.s. her-story.”

  • @ras12161960

    Um David Reed…don’t look now but your woman hating misogyny is showing!!

    Men like you will always be hated by women because the only way you will ever feel better about yourself is to “control” a woman. Unfortunately for you the only you can control another human being is if you ARE AN ABUSER…SEXUAL, PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL.

    So David…I suspect you are at the borderline of going crazy and abusing a a woman. May I suggest that you quickly turn gay yourself…the company of other men would be far better..and this time you can play the bitch…lol

    Men like you should be in padded rooms with 24/7 psychiatric care!

  • @ras12161960 @Eric D


    I don’t think if you hate women you qualify to judge others as homosexuals…lol

    I think if you hate women…which you do…you are more likely to be homosexual than Eric there.

    Actually I think you will be a better man if you were homosexual…cause you obviously can’t be good company for women. You would abuse women.

  • “Furthermore, the women were not just attracted to these men, but the women also reported being in a happier mood.”

    Are you serious???? OMG! I absolutely HATE this part of a relationship. I loathe it. When I’m interested in a guy and it isn’t clear how he feels yet, I pretty much go insane. I’m in a bad mood. I can’t concentrate. It makes me really irritable. I’m so glad I’m in a long term relationship now and don’t have to deal with this anymore. Dating sucks!

  • @BluDragon78 You missed the point. Mystery is exciting. Like opening a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get, you only know it will be mostly good. I just bought a female friend of mine an expensive solid gold bracelet. Friendship only. She was shocked but loved the gift. I don’t know what she will do next but the ball is in her court. I would be bored with the same old predictable you….

  • Title of the article is “Dating: Women Love Mystery Man.” BUT, “When women were clearly liked by a guy, they liked the guy back. Additionally, when men showed average interest, the women too returned that average interest.”

    –Who do women not like, according to this article then? I am so confused!!!

  • This has nothing to do with taxes, but just wanted to say hey! and that you have done some mighty fine work with this blog. Will be returning and reading through your archives

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